My Half Tiger Mother, Half Marshmallow Mommy

"Your legs are too long now. That's just for babies"-referring to the grocery trolley.

Why I refer my mother as a half tiger mother doesn’t mean that she pushed us to play a musical instrument or required us to get grades not lower than A. It’s because I think she is a tiger mother as compared to the mothers of my generation. She gave away my baby stroller and my andador as soon as I started to walk. She then didn’t allow me to sit in the grocery trolley as well. “Your legs are too long now. That’s just for babies” was she said. She definitely didn’t carry me anymore when I learned to walk. Those were my recollections as far as I can remember, or, rather, as soon as I learned to remember and to walk. She also straightforwardly explained to me and my sister why some families can afford certain things that we can’t, without sugar coating. And one very tiger mother-like, she definitely didn’t praise us in front of other people.   That’s her.

So what’s the other half all about?  Apart from the no-baby-talking and the no-cuddling, she took parenting to a higher professional level. That meant doing the laundry, ironing, and cooking after office. Those household chores that most of my grade six classmates were already required to do were not enforced to us simply because she did them better and more efficiently than the twelve year old me. We still didn’t get away with her tirades about how lazy we are compared to them when they were our age. But, still, she took extremely good care of us. She buys me clothes and skincare up to now, and still packs my bag every time I go home for vacation.  Hence, the marshmallow side of her. 

I remember one instance, someone teased us for being treated “like babies”. I know that person just wanted us to be good kids and not hurt my feelings or criticize my mother’s parenting skills. I would’ve been emotionally scarred had I been raised the real tiger mother way as written in Chua’s book, but her kids weren’t. And someone else would’ve grown up a spoiled barbaric daughter had she been raised my mother’s way, but we didn’t. 

I think parents just have to figure out how to raise their own children as responsible and productive individuals. There’s no formula. No guide book. But there can be a role model and mine is a half tiger mother and half marshmallow mommy.

Looking tougher than a divine general here. (Jan. 2017, HK)